Your breakup doesn’t have to be justified
If I had to do it all over again, I would have prioritized my personal happiness over making romantic relationships last.
Holly Sealover, April 2023 for JOUR 4650: Opinion Writing
Photo from UT Southwestern Medical Center
When faced with the decision to end a romantic relationship or not, it is easy to feel an obligation to make the relationship work, even when it doesn’t enhance your overall happiness. No one wants to abandon their significant other, but there are times when it is appropriate. Most people would agree that infidelity and abuse are reasons to end a relationship. But why does something dramatic have to happen for a breakup to feel justified?
Sometimes people just aren’t the right fit for us, and it’s okay to admit that. If you simply feel unfulfilled with your partner, it’s time to end your relationship. Relationships may get boring and lack excitement from time to time, but you should never feel trapped. If you feel your personal growth is being hindered, the relationship is not meant to continue.
The thought of a breakup is scary to most people. Being single after ending a long-term relationship can be very intimidating. Navigating dating as an adult is difficult and I recently experienced this for the very first time.
I began dating a guy while I was a junior in high school. We spent more than three years together before I ended the relationship in the fall semester of my sophomore year of college. A lot of that time was spent feeling unhappy. I spent at least one year contemplating whether or not to end the relationship. Why? My partner didn’t do anything inherently wrong, which made me feel very conflicted.
In hindsight, I can easily see why the relationship needed to end. I recognize my partner’s manipulative behavior, lack of effort, poor communication and immaturity. I’ve since realized these things are deal-breakers for me. At the time, these did not feel like appropriate reasons to cut things off with him. Now I know, I should have done it sooner.
I avoided ending the relationship because it felt wrong. What actual reason did I have to end things? None, since nothing specific had happened that seemingly justified the breakup, or at least that was my thought process at the time. It turns out being unhappy is reason enough.
I’ve realized that settling for less than what I want out of obligation is not only an injustice to myself, but my partner. By allowing the relationship to continue in an unhappy direction, I’m taking away the opportunity for both of us to have the best dating experiences possible. That became especially true as we grew up and went to college. We were simply going in different directions and wanted different outcomes. We grew at different paces, and that’s okay.
In the end, we only have ourselves. No one is guaranteed another day, so use your energy to make yourself happy, not working through a relationship that simply isn’t right for you. Your breakup doesn’t need to be justified to other people, only yourself. Follow your heart and do what feels right to you. Learn to feel justified in your feelings alone, without searching for validation from others.